Cryde my eyes out
by CableRatQueen.HTML
Summary: Craig is a wreck, some people don't know how to stay away. Clyde is just that guy. (this is probably super lame because it's my first fic and also because I write this on my smoke breaks at work)
1. Chapter 1

I wasn't sure when these feelings began to occur in my somewhat strange mind, all that I know is they had. There was a time where nothing about me and surrounding me was deemed important enough for me to bother questioning. Most of the time I wish that philosophy had stuck. Countless nights spent remarkably awake questioning anything that I possibly could has turned me into the miserable creature that I currently am.

I had a long think this morning just as I always do, questioning how vinyl players work and even the reasoning behind my own existence. I wonder if I'd be happier if I was limited in my thoughts, I know I was happier when I was younger. However, I'm not sure if that should be credited to my ability to avoid thinking or my lack of capability to even think about deeper meanings. As much as I could wallow in the thoughts of my own purpose and mortality, I know that I have to leave for school.

I lazily grabbed my hat from the side table next to the mirror that I had been absent-mindedly staring into for what seemed like hours. My hat was soon gripped by my teeth as I grabbed my keys to lock it after I'd left.

Expectantly immediately after leaving the comfort of my own home I was ambushed the harsh winds and bitter cold. My hands turning red alarmingly quickly, working quickly I fished in my pockets for my headphones and pulled my beanie over my head. Do you ever get start thinking about something so much that you can't even hear what song you're listening to? Even question I find myself thinking about as my long legs just about drag my body to school. Upon arrival to the less than impressive in size and appearance building, I couldn't help but feel isolated. I always feel more alone when I'm surrounded by people, it keeps reminding me that I'm not like them. It wasn't long ago since I was the spitting image both physically and mentally. Previously I had been a 6ft tall athletic and generally well liked student at south park high. The more interesting reality is what I am now. Shortly after I began my personal downward spiral I was cursed with an unwelcome growth spurt. Standing at 6ft meant that at school I was in good company, now at 6ft 5, not so much. In a matter of months, I had become both physically and mentally a freak, and didn't everyone know it. Walking to my locker provided excellent time for inner monologuing. My still slightly chilled hands pulled open my locker door, I never bothered to lock it because in all honesty unless someone wanted to steal a pair of broken headphones and an emergency shoelace, I'd be fine.

I checked my timetable that was stuck to the inside of the door, I was relieved to find that we had English at 9:30. Given that it was 9:18 I had sufficient time for a cigarette. My hands rummaging through my deep pockets as I walked with purpose towards the back of the building. Fingertips brushing against everything in my pocket other than what seemed to be a lighter. My hands we're momentarily needed to push the fire exit open until they were again searching for my lighter. My legs managed to carry me out here wonderfully quickly so I still saw no need to rush. My eyes attention was diverted to my legs momentarily, thick size 11 boots at the bottom of my sight making my legs looking even more sickly thin than they are.

I must have been looking pretty lost with an unlit cigarette hanging from the grasp of the pale lips as I attracted the attention of someone who I had rarely seen before. Clyde was his name and I had no idea why he was walking towards me. There's no reason why he shouldn't be, after all I am in front of the door, but somehow I can tell it's for me.

My chest tightened as panic consumed my body. His hand was outstretched towards my face and my body had stopped reacting, unable to process these events, I noticed he'd held a lighter to the end of my cigarette. A smile was shone in my direction and he softly spoke the words "I want to help" Before my body or mind could respond to these strange events he was gone, back into the school, back into the crowd and back into obscurity. He couldn't so easily vanish from my mind, nothing could.

My already tired legs dragging me towards the luxury of a seat that was guaranteed by turning up to class. The athletic body I used to possess is as gone as my happiness. I mainly consist of skin and bone now. Since I started to fall about my appearance has suffered enormously. Pale skin, painfully slim figure, I'd bet my life of the fact if a girl had the body I have she'd already be hospitalised. I'm not intentionally thin, nor do I restrict my food, most meals I end up skipping because I lose the will to eat. The hunger signals vanished shortly after so the only reason I notice that I'm not eating is the fact my body shows me daily how undernourished I am. At one stage this would have bothered me immensely now not so much. I snapped out of my thoughts just long enough to toss the end of my cigarette into the distance and re-enter the building. Sometimes when I walk my body is in autopilot so much that I don't even notice I'm walking. Without realising that I was even heading towards English, I arrived. The rules always stated that wearing a coat on class was a strict violation of uniform policy. Which is ideal for me because I'm always freezing. As usual I removed my coat, set it on the back of the chair and sat down, it's always nice to sit but the bruised tail bone as a consequence could be annoying at times. The class soon filled as 9:30 rolled around. I knew something was wrong, eyes were cast in my direction, I was on fire. I could feel the sweat rolling down my chest. My teacher cast a glance of annoyance that my raised had disrupted her speech. What is it Craig? Her voice laced with venom sounded. Can I be excused I asked as quietly as i could to avoid being the centre of attention more than I already was. Internally I prayed that she would just say yes and let me go. She responded by saying 'you can have as many cigarette breaks at home as you want, but this is school and we don't allow that'. At this point I truly was the centre of attention, pupils engaged in our conversation. The interest accompanied by the giggles and fear. The unmistakable fear and anxiety rising in my chest, the sweat covering my body the unease and the pain in my whole body. My sweat covered palms of fire and shaking uncontrollably. The silence, the darkness, the numbness. My head had hit the desk about as hard as it could. For the first time in my life I had fainted. In front of my English class. My weak exterior can be read like an open book, it still distressed me knowing that everyone there could see I was just as weak inside. I have no idea what happened when it was dark in my head as nobody told me, all I know is that I fainted and now I was in bed. I didn't feel sick, I just felt like I always do. I pushed myself up off my bed and sort through my coat that laid on my floor. It was disturbing how happy I felt that I had found both my cigarettes and my lighter pretty quickly, that was a good moment. I stood in the doorway smoking as I didn't want to commit to being fully outside. I wished I was never there at all when I saw the familiar face of Clyde waling past my door.

I couldn't help think this day has lead me to see Clyde more than I have in the past year. He must have noticed me because he stopped in his tracks ' I see you finally found a lighter then' yeah finally was all I could reply with. He proceeded to stand right near the door way and light his own smoke. 'Pretty heavy day for you by all accounts'

'yeah I guess you could say that' 'having purple on your head really brings out your eyes' 'thanks man I replied as I let out a small chuckle. I can't even re the last time I laughed. It felt nicer than I recalled. He smiled at me, it was strange. The way he looked at me and spoke to me like it was no big deal, despite the fact I'm somewhat of a freak. 'You know smoking is bad for you' his words brought me back to reality. 'Really, I should be saying that to you, you've got more to lose than me'. 'What do you mean by that' he questioned jokingly but at

The same time I knew he wanted to know about me. Well, look at the state of me I replied casually. Clyde tossed his cigarette butt over the fence moments before I threw mine in the same direction. His eyes fixated on me giving me a confused gaze 'you don't know the half of it'. I've got time if you want to share was all that he said. I'm really not that interesting, I promise. My body finally had enough of the harsh cold and I began to shiver and shake. 'Come inside because I can't tolerate this fucking cold'. My distaste for the cold was as harsh as the cold itself but Clyde didn't seem to mind. Even stranger was the fact I didn't mind him being around. Retreating up to my disorganised room with Clyde close behind me. As we entered I took my coat of and tossed it on the floor. Leaving me in just a pair of sweatpants and a tank. I couldn't help notice just as Clyde couldn't help staring c'mon say it 'I look ill'. Clyde couldn't help think that he did in fact look extremely ill' Nah man, I just can't I believe how fucking pale you are, he said with a soft giggle. 'We'll where the fuck is your tan then

replied with feigned annoyance. Clyde took of his coat and promptly tossed it on top of Craig's and sat on his bed swiftly followed by Craig. I watched as Clyde sat so close to me and rolled up his shirt sleeves 'see, I'm bronze as fuck'. I rolled my eyes once I knew he was looking at me 'fine if you're not impressed I'll go get a sunbed, then I'll beat you on not being pasty as hell'. The heat radiating off Clyde's outstretched arm was insane, I reached my hand out to touch his arm, the contact was actually quite pleasant, I can't remember when I last had contact. How the hell are you so hot? Laughter proceeded his response 'I work out'. 'You're a twat' I don't know though, I never really thought I was particularly warm, you're just probably cold because you're ill. Ugh I wish, I'm constantly freezing I replied pulling my duvet over myself.


	2. Cold Outside

Maybe you're constantly ill man, the words were promptly followed by a look of uncertainty. Was he supposed to say that? Craig rose from his slumped position landing a soft punch to Clyde's arm. What exactly was that for Clyde asked confused, you're not meant to lie Craig replied with a smile. This only added the confusion, the perplexed look deepened. You said you didn't think i looked ill. I wasn't even implying that, you must get extra sensitive when your cold Clyde joked while being shot with a sad look accompanied by pout. You've hit me right in my feelings there champ. Clyde attempted to look guilty as he threw his hands up into the air 'I am truly sorry my sensitive little snow flake'. A few seconds of comfortable silence passed before realisation hit Craig 'Who are you calling little, you're like 5ft nothing!' Eleven Clyde spat bitterly, huh? What was that Craig replied. 5ft11 actually Clyde repeated louder as he grabbed a pillow and swung it in Craig's direction. Craig's expression contorted into an expression of offence. Clyde I can't belie you started the pillow fight before we're in our pink pj's! Craig swung his pillow towards Clyde's and as the pillows fell in the middle of them, they erupted in fits of laughter. I thought you were meant to be a big cool jock, not a lame ass kid having pillow fights with a societal reject, Craig laughed at himself wondering if admitting that he was a reject had accidentally made him too vulnerable. Who says I'm not just a regular lame ass kid? Well i couldn't have heard it from another student because nobody talks to me, i guess it's my bad for assuming that you were cool. Clyde honestly didn't know what to say, is Craig opening up to him? Does he even know he's doing it? We'll I've certainly never thought about myself as being cool. At least you've had a chance too Craig responded seemingly upset. Don't worry Craig I think you're a cool cat! Clyde, fuck off. *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*  
Fuck sake, I've gotta go. My shift starts soon as hell. Well i didn't mean it literally but by all means fuck off, be my guest Craig said whilst following Clyde to his front door. My apologies, darling I'd love to stay however i am otherwise engaged. Clyde pulled two cigarettes out of his packet and placed one in his and one in Craig's mouth. Swiftly pulling out his lighter and setting both smokes alight before vanishing with nothing but a smile and a wave. Taking a drag of the cigarette Clyde had placed between his chapped lips he was once again left with his thoughts, only now he really had the perfect subject to think about, Clyde.

***CLYDES POV**  
Usually I'd be pissed at myself for leaving so little time to get to work, I fucking hate rushing and I fucking hate work. Today i don't feel annoyed about it, strange. Gotta keep my absent mind on getting to work. Who even wants to be in a Coffee shop at 7pm? Oh SimplyBusiness, because apparently they can't have meetings in their own building(1). Pushing the door to the cafe open, i smiled at my boss and walked behind the counter to retrieve an apron and brace for impact of this lame ass meeting. I love listening to grown ass adults sipping on lattes and asking each other what breed of dogs they'd be for 3 hours. I could tell my boss was just about as excited as i was. Looking up from her phone, her expression looked confused 'since when did you get so excited about having to deal with SimplyDickheads' i was confused until i realised she'd noticed my smile playing on my lips 'you know I'm not excited about that and if you must know i was hanging out with someone' a blush crept across my cheeks as i spoke. So you confessed your undying love and adoration to Andre the giant? That's not very nice Nadia, you know his name is Craig and I don't love him! She giggled at me and asked what me and him got up to, i could feel the insult being prepared when i admitted we had a little pillow fight. 'You're such a fag' she said with a laugh while pouring herself a glad of wine, you want one Clydette? I suppose if i' such a fag, i better step up my gay game. That's The spirit champ she spoke sarcastically pouring me a glass. By the time the meeting had finished, me and my ever so professional boss were sufficiently drunk, she was mid setting the alarms when she told me that i better get my coat before she locked up because she sure as hell wasn't opening back up for a coat. I rushed behind the counter to collect the coat that i realised wasn't there. 'What's the hold up?' I must have left my coat at Craig's! In her drunken and dramatic state she didn't bother to disguise her laughter as she screamed 'then my boy, you must go to him!' I didn't bother arguing I just shot her a knowing look, running past her into the cold night, before i was completely out of earshot i shouted 'solid plan boss'. I don't think she was expecting me to actually go but I'm sure she's drank enough wine to not be concerned where I'm going. I raced through countless streets not bothering to notice my surroundings until i arrived in Craig's area. I slowed almost to a halt when I was close. My hands lazily searched the inside of the pockets for my cigarettes, i plucked one out and lit in my lips, taking small drags until my breathing steadied to make sure I looked casual and not drunk and hurried. The cold really caught up with me once I wasn't running, a think jacket wasn't really sufficient in the eternal winter than south park was stuck in. Taking in the last drag of my cigarette and tossing it to the side i approached the doors, if i wasn't drunk I'd probably be extremely nervous. Seconds after I'd knocked on the door it started to rain and rain heavily. I was standing freezing, in the pouring rain at night. I suppose the scene almost looked romantic. I was pulled from my thoughts when Craig answered the door. 'Don't worry, I'm not gonna tell you I love you' those were the first words my brain could summon. Why else would you be here? He asked with a pretend confused look painted all across his face.


End file.
